This is a weird thing for me. This is not non-fiction, but it's inspired heavily by experiences in my own life. Most of the characters have a real-life equivalent.
It feels wrong in some ways, though- I think there are people who will fee hurt by the portrayal, but I have to let that go. It's not real, after all, the actual people have been dramatized to push along the plot.
The person that the love interest is based on barely resembles my character. I merely took a situation that happened with that person, and then cut him out and inserted Nathan, my love interest in the story. Nathan is different than..ahem...this other person in many ways. It's funny because I sort of made him more like the man I actually married, (Matt) since I cannot imagine a better man than him. Also, the main character, Dawn, who's loosely based on me is much, much riskier than I am, and more secure in some ways. And less conservative.
The other characters are going to be close to real life. Which is why I may never ever show this to anyone, lest somebody get pissed off!! (no, I can't do that, can I?)
The real life events are only the jumping off point for bigger scenes in the story. One example was a trip down to southern california with our school choir. It wasn't that big of a deal, but in my story, it is.
I love writing, because you can play with all the "what if's" in life. My reality is so blessed, I feel the freedom to do this.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Sick of my own voice.
How does one prevent this? I struggle sentence to sentence to try to not sound so stupid.
I feel like it's all a bunch of "she made a pot of coffee. She turned on the radio. She felt sad."
I'm doing textbook WRONG things consistently. Telling not showing. No description. Characters lacking their own voices.
I need practice. Ok, off to crank out some more crap. :)
I feel like it's all a bunch of "she made a pot of coffee. She turned on the radio. She felt sad."
I'm doing textbook WRONG things consistently. Telling not showing. No description. Characters lacking their own voices.
I need practice. Ok, off to crank out some more crap. :)
Friday, June 5, 2009
First Chapter finished.
And oy, it's thin. I really struggle with description. Dialogue I get...or at least I think I do. And as always, point of view and tense are a constant problem.
I started it with a wedding set in real place in my own life. Certain blog followers may find it familiar to them. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
So anyway, I slogged through it in my own way. 'Just thought I'd let you know.
Here's an excerpt of it:
"When the last bridesmaid walks, it is Dawns turn. She steps out into the church sanctuary. She stares up into the wood-paneled ceiling- the very same ceiling she spent years staring into every Sunday during church. The red carpet underfoot was the same and the walls were painted a very subtle “Baptist” green, just as it had been 20 years prior. The smell was the same. The piano, the organ, the choir loft, where she'd stood many times...that's where she had to walk to. She just had to get down the aisle and stand on the third level. Pastor was there, smiling broadly over the whole scene, as he had at almost every wedding she'd ever been to.
She didn't let herself look at the crowd. Her mother let out a muffled sob when she passed that caused an annoyance that dampened the terror a bit. She found herself somehow in place, watching the crowd stand as Ce-Ce stepped into the doorway.
The march began, and Dawn felt hot tears ripping through her painted face. It was over. This was the end of the silly times. The end of giggling and shopping and crying over Anne of Green Gables."
Editing. Lots and lots of editing will be needed. I've got years and years and years of re-writes. I may publish this in the year 2050.
I started it with a wedding set in real place in my own life. Certain blog followers may find it familiar to them. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
So anyway, I slogged through it in my own way. 'Just thought I'd let you know.
Here's an excerpt of it:
"When the last bridesmaid walks, it is Dawns turn. She steps out into the church sanctuary. She stares up into the wood-paneled ceiling- the very same ceiling she spent years staring into every Sunday during church. The red carpet underfoot was the same and the walls were painted a very subtle “Baptist” green, just as it had been 20 years prior. The smell was the same. The piano, the organ, the choir loft, where she'd stood many times...that's where she had to walk to. She just had to get down the aisle and stand on the third level. Pastor was there, smiling broadly over the whole scene, as he had at almost every wedding she'd ever been to.
She didn't let herself look at the crowd. Her mother let out a muffled sob when she passed that caused an annoyance that dampened the terror a bit. She found herself somehow in place, watching the crowd stand as Ce-Ce stepped into the doorway.
The march began, and Dawn felt hot tears ripping through her painted face. It was over. This was the end of the silly times. The end of giggling and shopping and crying over Anne of Green Gables."
Editing. Lots and lots of editing will be needed. I've got years and years and years of re-writes. I may publish this in the year 2050.
A single song to drive my plot.
A friend of mine is a ruthless music pusher. That's ok, because I do it too.
She's been pushing Jeff Buckley on me for a few months now, and frankly, I was just sort of bored. I couldn't get it. She said she was sure at least one of his songs would suck me in and I felt bad, because, they weren't.
So, I made a new playlist tonight- a ritual of creativity for me whether I'm painting or writing. I choose a Jeff Buckley song for the list- just a random one.
And as is played through my computer, I found myself almost in tears!!!
"Thats IT!!!"
I know where to start now.
Here's the song lyrics:
"Lover, you should have come over" by Jeff Buckley
Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know
When I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage hes done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one
So Ill wait for you... and Ill burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn
Oh lover, you should've come over
cause its not too late
Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come
Its never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
Its never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
Its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
Its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should've come over
cause its not too late
Well I feel too young to hold on
And Im much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage Ive done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well I'm waiting for you
Lover, you should've come over
cause its not too late
Absolutely perfect.
She's been pushing Jeff Buckley on me for a few months now, and frankly, I was just sort of bored. I couldn't get it. She said she was sure at least one of his songs would suck me in and I felt bad, because, they weren't.
So, I made a new playlist tonight- a ritual of creativity for me whether I'm painting or writing. I choose a Jeff Buckley song for the list- just a random one.
And as is played through my computer, I found myself almost in tears!!!
"Thats IT!!!"
I know where to start now.
Here's the song lyrics:
"Lover, you should have come over" by Jeff Buckley
Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know
When I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage hes done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one
So Ill wait for you... and Ill burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn
Oh lover, you should've come over
cause its not too late
Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come
Its never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
Its never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
Its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
Its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should've come over
cause its not too late
Well I feel too young to hold on
And Im much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage Ive done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well I'm waiting for you
Lover, you should've come over
cause its not too late
Absolutely perfect.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Trying to get focused again
With school ending and all the real-life obligations associate with that, I haven't had much time to be creative. But my mind doesn't stop.
A recent reunion with high school friends has inspired me to re-visit the screenplay I wrote for Script Frenzy '08. I think I'd like to attempt it in novel form. I thought perhaps the story was too thin, too cheesy to bring up again, but not now. After an amazing weekend with these old friends, I learned I was not alone in a lot of the feelings I had and still have about my high school years. And frankly, I heard a lot of great material that could be fictionalized, elaborated and made into something unique.
I'm one of those people who not only remembers High School, I'm probably a bit stuck. After High School came a lot of great things- a cross-country relocation,great friends, a wonderful husband (right away, almost), etc. But I also experienced a huge failure and a lot of depression. In some ways this left me stuck. I didn't take off and soar into adulthood- I stumbled around aimlessly and felt tremendously ineffective. Gone were the exciting, productive and pretty days of high school. I felt fat, directionless and un-talented.
Maybe I'll turn all of that into some believable writing.
I always think of Anne of Green Gables....or Anne of Avonlea...where Anne is trying to write this epic romance, but in the end writes what she knows. This would be a perfect example! I know this particular environment I grew up in (which is Conservative Christianity), and I have stepped out of it enough now to be able to observe it objectively, I believe.
This is what is taking up my brain space now. If I can focus on it.
I'm still crafting and re-crafting Blood Freckles- trying to get it to a point where I can do re-write #3. I may back-burner it, though, as I cannot seem to get good angle on it.
Then there's the matter of the Fantasy I want to write. I feel like I'm definitely in over my head with it. I know the characters, I know the basic (very basic) premise, I just can't figure out how to make it cohesive. And the factual info? There re elements of this that are actually Sci-Fi, and I do not feel qualified to write Sci-Fi in anyway. So, this will take time.
I'm also trying to paint like mad right now, which is another part of my brain.
Summer is coming...next week I'll be school-free and hopefully my brain will come alive and my fingers will be flying on this very keyboard.
A recent reunion with high school friends has inspired me to re-visit the screenplay I wrote for Script Frenzy '08. I think I'd like to attempt it in novel form. I thought perhaps the story was too thin, too cheesy to bring up again, but not now. After an amazing weekend with these old friends, I learned I was not alone in a lot of the feelings I had and still have about my high school years. And frankly, I heard a lot of great material that could be fictionalized, elaborated and made into something unique.
I'm one of those people who not only remembers High School, I'm probably a bit stuck. After High School came a lot of great things- a cross-country relocation,great friends, a wonderful husband (right away, almost), etc. But I also experienced a huge failure and a lot of depression. In some ways this left me stuck. I didn't take off and soar into adulthood- I stumbled around aimlessly and felt tremendously ineffective. Gone were the exciting, productive and pretty days of high school. I felt fat, directionless and un-talented.
Maybe I'll turn all of that into some believable writing.
I always think of Anne of Green Gables....or Anne of Avonlea...where Anne is trying to write this epic romance, but in the end writes what she knows. This would be a perfect example! I know this particular environment I grew up in (which is Conservative Christianity), and I have stepped out of it enough now to be able to observe it objectively, I believe.
This is what is taking up my brain space now. If I can focus on it.
I'm still crafting and re-crafting Blood Freckles- trying to get it to a point where I can do re-write #3. I may back-burner it, though, as I cannot seem to get good angle on it.
Then there's the matter of the Fantasy I want to write. I feel like I'm definitely in over my head with it. I know the characters, I know the basic (very basic) premise, I just can't figure out how to make it cohesive. And the factual info? There re elements of this that are actually Sci-Fi, and I do not feel qualified to write Sci-Fi in anyway. So, this will take time.
I'm also trying to paint like mad right now, which is another part of my brain.
Summer is coming...next week I'll be school-free and hopefully my brain will come alive and my fingers will be flying on this very keyboard.
Monday, May 4, 2009
My writing could be worse...and has been.
I was going through some old cd's to figure out what was on them and found one that contained my very very first attempt at noveling.
I didn't have a title, I just labeled the file "Rhonda", since that was my main characters name.
This story was the very beginning of Blood Freckles...several versions back, probably written in 2003.
Its...interesting.
Ok, I have to give myself credit for trying, and for the fact that it led me to think about it and re-write it. I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child, writing on my lunch hour when I worked for a chiropractor. I worked really hard on it! I even tried to edit it.
After re-reading my 2008 version, though, it really isn't terrible. The old version is almost autobiographical. Like the story happened to me in particular. My life, only with the storyline of having witnessed the suicide in my backyard (which didn't happen to me). This was good in some ways, as there was a lot more description and development of the character (since I happen to know ME). But, the story was thin.
There was no supernatural aspects to the story and the outcome was completely improbable.
Here's an excerpt from the beginning:
"It was turning cooler finally and I sat in the line of trees behind my house, out of sight from my mom in the kitchen window. This was my place- where I went to visit the places in my mind where I couldn't go in the closed spaces of my house or school. Here, I could speak aloud to those who knew me best- to the people and things that really interested me more than my flesh and blood friends. And I dreamed of love. My first ideas about romantic things were sculpted in that time of life. I would spy on my neighbor- climbing a tree to see him doing what I was doing- wandering, dreaming. He was older, and I didn't know how much. He had red hair and he wore funny clothes and I dreamed that he would meet me in the trees and we would walk and dream together and maybe he would kiss me. Until one day I spied him and he wasn't alone, but with another boy- messy haired and shorter, but the same age I guessed. They rode their bikes in the field and threw rocks and did all sorts of other boy things that were a mystery to me. But I realized I no longer loved my neighbor, but his friend. In my daydreams I called him Adam because I liked that name and it seemed to me he looked like an Adam. "
Not too bad. And certainly sounds like the same story.
Heres the opener of the second version:
"I was always a weird kid. The kind people were always worried about, but unsure of how to approach it with the parent. It started when I was young, when I'd shown that it was going to be hard for me to do simple things like get my own shoes on or remember to wear underwear. Then it progressed into the school years, with notes home from teachers about my absent mind and constant doodling. I learned to read, escalating the problem to such a level that book became a privilege that got taken away and movies forced upon me as punishment."
Boy, this is fairly autobiographical as well. This second beginning leads into several pages of boring character development that leads the reader into an awkward first 100 pages. Too much backstory.
At least the first version jumps right in.
The third version was what I already posted here- the bar scene where I try to create some excitement and throw the big surprise in right at the beginning instead of waiting until the end.
Now, as I prepare to take this story...again...in version 4.0, I am looking for where to start. I look back at the books I've read and loved and I'm hoping to find inspiration to jump in again. I'm losing my resolve with it, a bit. And if the next version takes a backseat to another story for a while, as it did before- that could be a good thing. I'll let you know.
I didn't have a title, I just labeled the file "Rhonda", since that was my main characters name.
This story was the very beginning of Blood Freckles...several versions back, probably written in 2003.
Its...interesting.
Ok, I have to give myself credit for trying, and for the fact that it led me to think about it and re-write it. I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child, writing on my lunch hour when I worked for a chiropractor. I worked really hard on it! I even tried to edit it.
After re-reading my 2008 version, though, it really isn't terrible. The old version is almost autobiographical. Like the story happened to me in particular. My life, only with the storyline of having witnessed the suicide in my backyard (which didn't happen to me). This was good in some ways, as there was a lot more description and development of the character (since I happen to know ME). But, the story was thin.
There was no supernatural aspects to the story and the outcome was completely improbable.
Here's an excerpt from the beginning:
"It was turning cooler finally and I sat in the line of trees behind my house, out of sight from my mom in the kitchen window. This was my place- where I went to visit the places in my mind where I couldn't go in the closed spaces of my house or school. Here, I could speak aloud to those who knew me best- to the people and things that really interested me more than my flesh and blood friends. And I dreamed of love. My first ideas about romantic things were sculpted in that time of life. I would spy on my neighbor- climbing a tree to see him doing what I was doing- wandering, dreaming. He was older, and I didn't know how much. He had red hair and he wore funny clothes and I dreamed that he would meet me in the trees and we would walk and dream together and maybe he would kiss me. Until one day I spied him and he wasn't alone, but with another boy- messy haired and shorter, but the same age I guessed. They rode their bikes in the field and threw rocks and did all sorts of other boy things that were a mystery to me. But I realized I no longer loved my neighbor, but his friend. In my daydreams I called him Adam because I liked that name and it seemed to me he looked like an Adam. "
Not too bad. And certainly sounds like the same story.
Heres the opener of the second version:
"I was always a weird kid. The kind people were always worried about, but unsure of how to approach it with the parent. It started when I was young, when I'd shown that it was going to be hard for me to do simple things like get my own shoes on or remember to wear underwear. Then it progressed into the school years, with notes home from teachers about my absent mind and constant doodling. I learned to read, escalating the problem to such a level that book became a privilege that got taken away and movies forced upon me as punishment."
Boy, this is fairly autobiographical as well. This second beginning leads into several pages of boring character development that leads the reader into an awkward first 100 pages. Too much backstory.
At least the first version jumps right in.
The third version was what I already posted here- the bar scene where I try to create some excitement and throw the big surprise in right at the beginning instead of waiting until the end.
Now, as I prepare to take this story...again...in version 4.0, I am looking for where to start. I look back at the books I've read and loved and I'm hoping to find inspiration to jump in again. I'm losing my resolve with it, a bit. And if the next version takes a backseat to another story for a while, as it did before- that could be a good thing. I'll let you know.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Lets talk about something else, for once.
I'm driven creatively by music. I love, love to make playlists and just absorb all the emotion from the songs.
Like I said in the last post, there are other stories I can write. And yesterday my brain started cranking on one.
When I was probably 12 or 13 I started staying up late and watching Star Trek. I was in love with it. I taped every episode I could find on tv and eventually ended up with over a dozen video tapes full of hours of the Original series.
It just lit my brain on fire! I know the special effects were horrible. Some the storylines were terrible. William Shatner certainly has been made fun of for years for his acting style.
But there were ideas in the show that stretched my brain from its usual daydreams to something entirley different.
Of course most of my stories are romance driven. Sad, but true. And I...may have begun to write what I now realize was Star Trek fan-fiction.
I'll wait until you're done laughing.
Ok?
Good.
Anyway. As I got older, the story was filed away in my head in favor of things like a social life, then college, marriage, etc.
When the Lord of the Rings movies came out- I was pregnant with my first child and could care less. I never read those books, and I really wasn't interested in the movies. But when Matt brought Fellowship of the Ring home- I was totally hooked.
I couldn't believe I hadn't read these! So, I immediatly went out, bought the books and tore through them.
Now my mind stirred up an idea from my past...my story! The one...the Star Trek thing...what if it wasn't Star Trek? What if I took this character I'd thought up and NOT injected her into Gene Rodenberry's series, and rather put her on her in her own world?
This was my first NaNoWriMo novel. I never was able to title it, and after a few years of re-reading it, I see how much weakness is in it. I've put it aside in favor of Blood Freckles, this current story you're all sick of hearing about.
Theres this Muse song- Knights of Cydonia? It's freaking awesome. And theres something about it that just conjures up images. Images of this other story! Like it's the theme song! I keep playing it.
I saw a special on the history channel last night that seemed oddly ironic- it was about what would happen to the earth if humans just dissappeared. How the animals would change and adapt, what would happen to man made structures, etc.
Now I'm stoked. I know what to do and where to start researching. I'm not sure if it'd be Sci Fi or Fantasy, but I have two characters and an idea I love.
(after I re-write this other story, of course...)
Like I said in the last post, there are other stories I can write. And yesterday my brain started cranking on one.
When I was probably 12 or 13 I started staying up late and watching Star Trek. I was in love with it. I taped every episode I could find on tv and eventually ended up with over a dozen video tapes full of hours of the Original series.
It just lit my brain on fire! I know the special effects were horrible. Some the storylines were terrible. William Shatner certainly has been made fun of for years for his acting style.
But there were ideas in the show that stretched my brain from its usual daydreams to something entirley different.
Of course most of my stories are romance driven. Sad, but true. And I...may have begun to write what I now realize was Star Trek fan-fiction.
I'll wait until you're done laughing.
Ok?
Good.
Anyway. As I got older, the story was filed away in my head in favor of things like a social life, then college, marriage, etc.
When the Lord of the Rings movies came out- I was pregnant with my first child and could care less. I never read those books, and I really wasn't interested in the movies. But when Matt brought Fellowship of the Ring home- I was totally hooked.
I couldn't believe I hadn't read these! So, I immediatly went out, bought the books and tore through them.
Now my mind stirred up an idea from my past...my story! The one...the Star Trek thing...what if it wasn't Star Trek? What if I took this character I'd thought up and NOT injected her into Gene Rodenberry's series, and rather put her on her in her own world?
This was my first NaNoWriMo novel. I never was able to title it, and after a few years of re-reading it, I see how much weakness is in it. I've put it aside in favor of Blood Freckles, this current story you're all sick of hearing about.
Theres this Muse song- Knights of Cydonia? It's freaking awesome. And theres something about it that just conjures up images. Images of this other story! Like it's the theme song! I keep playing it.
I saw a special on the history channel last night that seemed oddly ironic- it was about what would happen to the earth if humans just dissappeared. How the animals would change and adapt, what would happen to man made structures, etc.
Now I'm stoked. I know what to do and where to start researching. I'm not sure if it'd be Sci Fi or Fantasy, but I have two characters and an idea I love.
(after I re-write this other story, of course...)
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