Lets talk about something else, for once.

I'm driven creatively by music. I love, love to make playlists and just absorb all the emotion from the songs.

Like I said in the last post, there are other stories I can write. And yesterday my brain started cranking on one.

When I was probably 12 or 13 I started staying up late and watching Star Trek. I was in love with it. I taped every episode I could find on tv and eventually ended up with over a dozen video tapes full of hours of the Original series.

It just lit my brain on fire! I know the special effects were horrible. Some the storylines were terrible. William Shatner certainly has been made fun of for years for his acting style.

But there were ideas in the show that stretched my brain from its usual daydreams to something entirley different.

Of course most of my stories are romance driven. Sad, but true. And I...may have begun to write what I now realize was Star Trek fan-fiction.

I'll wait until you're done laughing.

Ok?

Good.

Anyway. As I got older, the story was filed away in my head in favor of things like a social life, then college, marriage, etc.

When the Lord of the Rings movies came out- I was pregnant with my first child and could care less. I never read those books, and I really wasn't interested in the movies. But when Matt brought Fellowship of the Ring home- I was totally hooked.

I couldn't believe I hadn't read these! So, I immediatly went out, bought the books and tore through them.

Now my mind stirred up an idea from my past...my story! The one...the Star Trek thing...what if it wasn't Star Trek? What if I took this character I'd thought up and NOT injected her into Gene Rodenberry's series, and rather put her on her in her own world?

This was my first NaNoWriMo novel. I never was able to title it, and after a few years of re-reading it, I see how much weakness is in it. I've put it aside in favor of Blood Freckles, this current story you're all sick of hearing about.

Theres this Muse song- Knights of Cydonia? It's freaking awesome. And theres something about it that just conjures up images. Images of this other story! Like it's the theme song! I keep playing it.

I saw a special on the history channel last night that seemed oddly ironic- it was about what would happen to the earth if humans just dissappeared. How the animals would change and adapt, what would happen to man made structures, etc.

Now I'm stoked. I know what to do and where to start researching. I'm not sure if it'd be Sci Fi or Fantasy, but I have two characters and an idea I love.

(after I re-write this other story, of course...)

100 pages. Ready to REALLY write, now.

I wrote the big part. The big, swoon worthy part I always dreamt of.

And I think it's pretty .....

flat.

Like someone lets all the air out of the story. And not in a relieving, sigh-of-release way. It was just done. Over. All the ends tied up.

I'm a little irked- but then I consider the format. Pure dialog- no view into thoughts, just visual images that I have no experience in delivering. I think if I was an actual director I could make it work. But I'm not.

I think it's time to step back, and write this thing for real. I have a good feel for the structure. I have a better sense of the pacing now. I just need to write it. Maybe even make the dreaded outline.

I think I've also resolved not to do my normal write-a-thon style writing. I want someone to read this someday. It's not going to just be about writing it down for myself. I've lived in this story for a long time now, and the only way to be truly done is to put in the effort it deserves.

I have a couple other stories I want to write or re-write- one is fantasy, one is unfortunately chick-lit or something. And someday I hope to write Historical fiction based on the California Gold rush (since I live in the setting, amongst all the history).

So, I'm ready to really do this. I may proof read and edit my Screenplay a bit since I will print it out. I would like it to be decent, at least.

Off to pull out all my writing books and get my mind prepared to deliver this story for real.

Charging in, writing the good part!

The next part of the screenplay I have to write is the scariest part!

Not scary as far as whats happening in the story- just scary for me to write. This is the climax, the top, the part that made me write this story.

I've pictured it a million times. I've written in it novel form at least twice. And now, I'm structuring it in script form.

As I've mentioned before, thinking of the story in film version has made me cut off a lot of fat that I now know is not needed in this story at all.

The thing about the script that I don't like is the loss of detail, the loss of thoughts and textures. I didn't think I had any of that until I did this! That's very encouraging to me.

I'm getting excited about noveling this again. With the boring parts gone, it frees me up to spend lots of time working on the beautiful parts.

I'm charging in, taking on a scene that changes everytime I re-write this story. I don't know how it will play out, even now, but I know how it ends!

Page 83...and getting ready to actually start noveling again.

I checked my page count late last night after a random typing spree and was suprised I got as far as I did. There's no way this script will be just 100 pages- I'm thinking it will be more like 125.

I doesn't matter too much.

I am learning about pacing, at least. I was taking this story way too slow. The novel version has pages and pages of backstory. It's terribly boring. I refuse to bury this story in a hundred pages of stuff nobody wants to read.

I picked up an out Writers Digest special issue we got last year. It's called The Writers Guide to Fiction. It has some great articles in it.

One is about setting the pace "6 Ways to get your Story's timing right". He are those 6 things:

1. Imagine you are directing a movie and need to step on the accelerator and speed up the pace.

This is what I'm essentially doing through Script Frenzy. No, it's EXACTLY what I'm doing.

2. Now, continuing your imaginery role as director, "iris in" for close ups.

Meaning- what about this scene do you want the reader, or in this case, audience, to see? This has been a tremendous help.

3. Practice tailoring your descriptive pace with some fast action.

This one is sort of tough. My story doesn't include much real action. But I found places to inject for real forward motion.

4. Find the right time to plug in details.

It's talking about fitting in character descriptions. Showing, not telling for sure. Giving details in passing that show an aspect of the character.

5. Make sure your details are essential.

Only tell the reader if it matters to the story. I included a lot of details about Nina, my main character, that I thought were funny and interesting. They had nothing to do with what was going on. I will cut those out in the re-write, for sure.

6. Don't make grocery lists with your details.

(sort of a re-statement, really) So, if you are better off working in details as you move the story along. The example they gave was, rather than saying a woman is wearing a plumed hat and white gloves, have the wind blow off her plumed hat, or have her remove the white gloves to shake a hand. That's huge for me.

So, some good advice for me, I think. I'm not very instinctive with pacing, or, anything else besides the characters themselves.

Contemplation of my entitlement complex.

I had this thought yesterday.

It was about 4:30 in the afternoon, and I was sitting at this computer, obsessing over a detail in the story. Researching, posting on forums to get opinions.

"What am I doing?"

The kids were hungry. There was a pile of junk by the back door I'd just dragged in the house from the car. The chicks needed food and water. The big chickens were probably wandering in the road.

But I was trying to figure out how you could find a person who's been admitted to a hospital in upstate New York. This was my priority.

It all came crashing into my head that I am not an author. No one's waiting for this story. No one even really believes that I'm writing it! What am I doing?

I'm a quitter.

Let me tell you about singing. Why? Because it's something I love. I have a good voice. Not great- but good. I went to college and tried out for the music department and made it, but spent the next year and a half wallowing at how much better everyone around me was. So, did I head to annex and practice for hours, honing my voice into the leagues of my fellow voice students?

No. I slept. I took sleeping pills. I was crushed that I couldn't do what I loved. My voice teacher was exasperated with me. I knew I was wasting her time. My friends chided me for not practicing. I was failing most of my classes.

Eventually, I just dropped out. An utter failure.

I know you shouldn't have regrets...but I regret not trying. It was all right in my lap, I just had to try. There were girls who weren't as strong as I was who worked really hard and finished and have the careers to prove it. But me? I just quit.

I never even tried art school- God forbid I run into a project that poses a challenge, I'd have to work! If I had been unable to do a project well, I would have holed up in my shell and turned on some music and cried.

So, should I stop writing? I'm clearly NOT a very strong writer. But why do I love it so much?

Growing up means different things to different people. Perhaps for me, with my interests and history, it means learning to work. I am not a genius. I am not a prodigy. Maybe the fact that I love writing so much is a sign that I need to put in some serious work to become what I want to be.

With all honesty, I am first and foremost an artist. That is probably my strongest talent.

I will probably take some classes for painting in the next couple years. My clearly untrained style is holding me back, a bit, though I do make some income with it. Perhaps a few writing classes could benefit me as well?

I have to learn to take criticism and be willing to keep going.

Now that I've been honest even to reveal myself as a big 'ole princess, I'm going to get a cup of coffee and keep writing. Even if it's years and years before it goes anywhere.

And maybe I'll join a band...

In love with my characters...

And on page 76 of the screenplay.

I couldn't have gotten this far without my love of them.

I love Nina. The screenplay Nina is sort of just sucked through the story. I worry that I need to do something to bring more of her out through the dialogue. But, eh, I'm not really writing a movie here. It's just a really long writing exercise for me anyway.

I love, love John. I love his tortured head. I love his sad life and the good that's to come for him. I love writing the details that have made him who he is. I love revealing him through the other minor characters. He's not in the dialogue too much. Mostly in flashbacks. I may have to add more of him, though- I really like writing him.

The other characters are fun too. I like most of them. I'm not sure how to balance them all in the story- jut like when I wrote the novel version. I'm still riding with training wheels here, folks.

Anyway, I just wanted to express the joy of writing. I just love thinking as other people.

56 pages.

I had a good day. I got my house clean (clean enough), and successfully entertained family with well cooked food, and general hospitality. You have no idea what a challenge normal things like this are for me. I'm sort of a hermit, socially. I love people, but as far as bringing them here, into my fortress of solitude- thats no easy feat.

Mostly because I value my space- I like to be able to talk to myself at will, or sit down and draw a picture when inspiration strikes. I like to lose myself in music. This is what I do with my time.

It's late right now and I'm pooped. So, I should keep this short before I say something weird.

I'm sitting here typing the screenplay- trudging through some dreadfully lame material that sort of has to happen.

But, I just checked and I'm at 56 pages! Thats good!

So, my hair is braided (so I can fake curliness for Easter church tommorow) and my coffee is almost gone. I think I'll call it a night and dream of the next section of the story. The dreaded MIDDLE. Ugh.

I'm not posting.

Nope. Because I'm cleaning my house. Family is coming. I'm not thinking about writing, I'm not even going to listen to music so I can focus.

Because I'm not addicted to this story, I swear.

I'm capable of getting this house done.

So, I'm off to clean. I'm turning the computer off. Or at least closing it.

I think.

50 pages...then 22...now 43...

I made some real headway the night before last. I was a typing fiend! I got into a scene and was just cranking out material. All these ideas and words came flooding into my head- it was glorious.

Later that night I fell victim to a horrendous coughing fit. That sounds very dramatic, but it was more frustrating than anything. I couldn't stop for anything.

It was about 2:30 am- I was drinking copious amounts of hot water with honey and lemon, waiting for cough syrup to kick in. True misery. Especially if you consider that fact that after having three children naturally, incontinence is an issue for me.

So, I'm coughing, sitting on a towel at 2:30 in the morning. I decide to go online and mess around on Facebook or something.

In my coughing stupor, I pushed something on the laptop- the screen went black. I panicked! I held down the power button until I heard it shut down.

I restarted it and re-opened all my programs. I use Celtx for screenwriting and I always keep it open in it's own window.

Always open...so I never close it and....OH NO! I never saved it!!

Sure enough, I lost pages 22-50.

Lesson learned. Celtx doesn't auto-save like Scrivener (a writing program I use for noveling).

I wrote last night, though, and got up to page 43. And I'm glad, actually, that I re-wrote it. I think theres some quality material in this section.

Off to reality for now. Relatives are coming to visit. My immersion into imaginary world tends to compound my real life problems of laundry and grime. Even without thinking about a story, I have a hard time doing normal things like closing drawers or putting the milk away. I'm not much better at the practical things in life than my children.

Ok, I'm going! Off to launder stuff!

33 pages. Going strong!

It may actually be more, now. I hope I'm pacing it right!

It's spring break this week, and all the kids are home. It's raining, too- so they are all right here. All day. I'm lucky if I get to sit for more than five minutes without someone crying.

I'm feeling that "on-a-roll" feeling for sure.

I'm spouting out all kinds of things, moving the plot forward, skipping over the normal stuff I add in there because I think it sounds cool. I'm just trying to keep it moving. I'm excited about writing some of the scenes that are coming up!

That's what writing is all about- writing those moments that made you think of the story in the first place. It's kind of exciting to get to write them in film-form. I get to see it from all angles- lighting, music, etc. I'm stoked. I can't believe I never thought of getting into the film industry when I was young and fresh and full of options. I never considered it. Heck, I've wanted to be a fashion designer, an Opera singer, a police officer- never a director, producer, screenwriter, etc. Dangit.

Anyway, the part I'm writing right now is the part in the novel that is SUPER, super boring. Its not the beginning, it's the dreary early-middle before the next real plot-moving event happens. I usually (since I've technically written this story 3 times) go into a bunch of detail about my main characters job and the enviroment and relationships there. But I realized- who cares? It doens't really matter. She works there. The job helps her find John and provides an antagonist of sorts as well. Thats it- we don't need to know any more.

Ready for the soundtrack?

Available for purchase when pigs fly and this story becomes a real film.

I have to have music to write. In fact, my stories are sort of written by music. The songs spur storylines, so I must hear them to write.

Here's my "soundtrack" for this story:

Mimizan- Beirut

Memory Gospel- Moby

Endlessly- Muse

Resurrection Fern- Iron and Wine

Hey Jupiter- Tori Amos

In this world- Moby

Early Morning Rain- Peter, Paul and Mary

Your Protector- Fleet Foxes

The one I love- REM

This land is Mine- Dido

Such Great Heights- Iron and Wine

Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap

I need you tonight- INXS

Fade into you- Mazzy Star

Wish you were here- Pink Floyd

And one last one that deserves some qualification. I heard this song and fell in love with it when I first bought the album last year. I love Iron and Wine, and this song fit this story so well, I was captivated by it. This was last summer.

Then, in the fall, Twilight came out and when I heard Flightless Bird, American Mouth was to be on the soundtrack, I was actually so mad, I sort of cried. It was like the rape of my beautiful song- forever plastered over as the dumb song Bella and Edward danced to at prom. Great.

But I will still claim it as John and Nina's song. I will pretend that millions of tweens don't have it as a ring tone.

(I should mention I am a closet Twilight fan despite the stupid movie) (which I own.) (there, I'm outed)

The benefits of screenwriting my novel.

23 pages and counting....only 77 to go!

This is getting good! OK, not the screen play, per se, but my story!

The difference between noveling and writing a movie is (I'm finding), the story has to be delivered largely through dialogue.

Instead of trying to weave the story into sentences and paragraphs of exposition, you have to sort of lay it out there. The action sections of the script are more like summary of what the viewer sees.

I'm not having to worry about wording everything and trying to craft language in a way that evokes the feel I want.

I'm just plopping it out there. And I'm having to make some quick decisions about plot- cutting here and adding there to make it more succinct. This is a very good thing for me.

I've been stressing so badly about the words I'm choosing, the sentence structure (or my lack of structure, that is), I've been short-changing my story itself.

So, this is good. I'm glad I'm playing around with this Script Frenzy thing!

Script Frenzy: Page five...

I started the screenplay last night. I forgot how fast it goes when you use the Screen writing program. I use Celtx- it's great.

It's interesting re-writing the first scene of my story in script-form. The five pages were essentially the scene I posted a few weeks ago- Nina, at the bar, leaving with John.

It felt so thin- so weird. I think this whole conversion to screenplay could be a good excersise for the book itself. I believe it's going to force me to make this story more succinct, and really focus on the scenes that matter.

I'm not sure the opening is as strong as it could be. I'm trying to figure out an inciting event that will launch this story.

So, in case you are wondering, no, I'm not writing this screenplay with any serious intent to make a film- it's just a great way to keep brain cranking on the story that I love.

Day One of Script Frenzy: ZERO PAGES

That's right- not even a word to start it out.

I had a drawing project to finish and it was my sons birthday, yada-yada-yada...nothing got typed.

BUT...I got my S-Frenzy t-shirt, that counts for something, right?

To stay on track you need 3.3 pages a day, so, tomorrow I will be doing 6 and a half to catch up. No problem.