Some good criticism and a knock in the right direction- I think.

In addition to starting this blog, I also got active on Mothering.com's Mothers Writing Club forum. The forum is great, with lots of other moms doing the same thing I am (but with more experience, it seems).

I threw myself out there and posted a chapter in a thread, hoping someone, ANYONE would read it and tell me what sucks and what I can do about it.

I posted the section I posted on here (except I selected the entire chapter), and got some great feedback.

This re-write for me was about keeping some info back while throwing out the things I'd hoped would hook someone. It sort of worked.

It seems I created some elements of allure, but left people in dark with others. Good to know!

The worst part is my use of the English language. My grammar is terrible, my dialogue choppy and probably annoying (though no one actually said that).

I think I'll spend some quality time with the book Elements of Style, as per my college English teacher.

I'm doing Script Frenzy this year again, as it was awesome last year. I'm converting this very story to a screenplay, since I'm obsessed with it and wouldn't be able to get into any new characters right now. This has caused me to really solidify the structure of this story- it has to have some of the elements I wanted to cut out.

The orignal draft included a subplot of a depressed, disturbed ex-boyfriend who at the end tries to kill Nina. (cat's out of the bag, now, I guess) (but I'm not saying what happens...)

I took it out because it seemed like there was too much going on. Nina, seeing ghosts, obsessed over John, having an affair with a co-worker, then she also has this crazy person threatening her?

Well, I think, for the screenplay version at least, the action stays- since, frankly, it's the only real action in the story.

Supposedly I am an artist, and have a project that HAS to get done, so I have to force myself NOT to write today. Ugh. So, I'm on my porch drawing. I swear. I'm a responsible person getting my work done and not obsessing over fictional people. I took a picture to prove it.